happy 2nd anniversary!

06.11.2011 ~ 06.11.2013

My best friend, my lover,
my leader, my husband.
Happy 2nd wedding anniversary, hun!

I thank God for these exciting two years with you.
It is true
there’s nothing easy about marriage life,
but it’s all worth it.
It’s all worth it, because I’ve got you.

I’m happy,
though it’s not always perfect
but I’m happy.
And I hope you are, too.
We are both doubled in size,
I hope it’s quite an indication hahaha

Sweet hubby,
thank you for everything.
For your love, your strong and protective arms, your commitment.
Your leadership, your kind words, your simple, humble, gentle heart.
Your silly jokes, your pranks, your playfulness.
You said we have to keep being young at heart,
and I think you’ve changed me for the better.

My prayers that you may continue being great,
that the wisdom of the Lord be your guidance,
and His love your anchor.
I pray that I may continue to be your loyal sidekick,
to honor, respect and support you,
and to love you according to God’s unfailing love.
I pray that we continue to put God in between us,
as our holy veil so we may see everything through Him.
May we continue to embrace this sacred romance with Him,
and God’s glory may shine through our little family.

I’ve experienced the abundance of God’s grace and favour
through you,
and I can only lift my endless praise to Him for that.
I thank God for you
I thank Him for bringing you into my life.

Happy 2nd wedding anniversary, Sayang,
and wishing for many more years to celebrate with you!

06.11.2011 ~ 06.11.2013

Love never fails
[1 Corinthians 13:8]


The world, as we are, are addicted to speed. We are taught to get things done, and find solutions when problems occur. Quickly. With everything moves and changes so rapidly nowadays, pausing and resting will cost us dearly. Japan created the fastest ever bullet train, Shinkansen, running at 500km/hour. I mean, how fast would you want to get somewhere without risking your nose moving to the back of your head? The power of iPhone, in which you can talk, take note, take and send messages and photos and videos, talk to and see your friend, listen to music, read, play games (anything else I missed?), has swept the world. Indomie, kebanggaan Indonesia, requires 10minutes max, some water and a saucepan and a plate for you to enjoy it. And some cutleries, of course, unless you eat mi goreng with your hand. As ‘healthy’ as they may be, people love the quick and simple solution to get what they want. The world demands us, pushes us to be fast and efficient. Straight-forward and yet flexible to changes, following the trend. Bosses don’t wait for workers to feel good to get their tasks done; finish your job, find solution to problems, produce something meaningful, or you’re history.

Now, in contrary, today God taught me about rest.

He saw how I’ve struggled for a while to compete with my surroundings. He knew how troubled I have been, thinking that I was not good enough, I was not productive enough. That I am nothing, because I have done nothing.

But God is a loving God. As I am renewing my walk with God, He has graciously taught me about His heart. He pulled me back under His wings, and nurtured me back to life. The more I spent time with Him, the more revived I was. As I poured my heart to Him, He opened my eyes and ears to receive His promises, to ease my burden, to calm my troubled soul. I believe that He is faithful, He will fulfil His promises.

But as time went by, I grew restless. I questioned God’s timing; “If You said that You would do something at around this time, why am I not seeing anything yet? Why haven’t things start to change?”, my heart complained. And then I thought, “if God promised us something, do we just wait until it happens, or do we also take part in making it happen?”.  I started to search for logical solutions to solve my problems, believing that I was ‘doing my part’, alongside God who is doing His. But the more I dived myself into ‘doing my part’, slowly I became obsessed with finishing the ‘project’, and I couldn’t wait to pass the finish line and celebrate. Slowly I no longer running alongside Him; I tried to outrun Him.

And naturally, the struggle floated back to the surface. Like a columnist with a deadline, I tried to push things towards God’s timing. I became so frustrated, because obviously, nothing seemed to work. Like a circle trying to fit into the mould of a triangle, I put pressure on myself, on others, but nothing seemed to go my way. You see, I started to forget that it was God’s way to begin with. It was God’s promise that I will definitely receive what I was praying for. But I obviously didn’t trust Him enough. This reminded me of what Pastor Floyd Ellsworth shared in 3rd service earlier this month at church.

“God has the blueprint of our lives. We don’t have to figure out everything. He’d rather not have you asking about His plan, because we tend to ruin them. We might leave Him, running ahead of Him or try to help Him. No, He’d rather have you take His hand and walk with Him, and let Him show you the fulfilment of His promise.”

Ps Floyd continued with the story of Abraham (then-Abram) and the cost of Sarah’s (then-Sarai) distrust and disobedience towards God. She ran ahead of God’s timing and tried to help Him executed His promise, which resulted in the birth of Ishmael [Genesis 16]. Though God also loved Ishmael, but he wasn’t part of God’s initial promise. God still kept His promise to Abraham by giving him a son through Sarah, but Sarah’s disobedience brought war that is still continuing till this very day.

If only Sarah rested in God.

I learned that resting is NOT the same as not doing anything,  so I should not feel guilty about it. He invited me to learn something different, and I am so happy whenever He is teaching me something. He reminded about a few things we can do while we are resting in Him.

Open yourself up to Him. [1 Peter 5:7]
Soak up, bask yourself in His love. [Ephesians 2:4-5]
Let Him fill your cup, satisfying your soul. [Psalm 23]
Let Him renew your strength. [Isaiah 40:31]
Let His peace calms your soul. [John 14:27]
Drown, immerse yourself in Him. [Ezekiel 47:3-5]
Give thanks for the works He has done in your life. [Philippians 4:6]
Get to know Him. Let Him show Himself to you. [Jeremiah 29:13-14a]
Praise Him, simply and surely because He is worthy to be praised. [Psalm 34, 103]

There’s a time for everything. And this is the time for me to rest. Yes, I have to do my part, because God also wants me to learn to walk in faith. But now I know He’d rather have me do nothing and rest, than run ahead of Him, thinking that I’m doing the right thing and end up ruining His plan. He reminded me to immerse myself deeper in Him, just like the water in the river at the time of Ezekiel. So when the time comes for me to move, I will move in obedience, in synchronise with Him 🙂 So that the pieces of the puzzle – my piece and His piece – will fit perfectly, and bring honour to Him.

Obedience protects. King Jehosaphat obeyed God and rest in the Lord by praising Him with his army instead of running down to the battle ground and trying to fight off the attacking nations. [2 Chronicles 20:1-30]. Joshua obeyed God and circling the wall of Jericho in praises, exactly as how God asked Him to, instead of trying to penetrate the wall and probably got killed by the army of the city. [Joshua 6]. It might seem ridiculous when time starts running out, yet God asks us to be still and rest in Him. Most of our first reaction would be, “But it doesn’t make sense!!”. But He has a purpose in every word He says, He has a plan in every guidance He gives. Our solutions, however logical or sensible they may seem, sometimes are not God’s ways. Obeying God and walk on our own understanding could be a matter of life and death, physically or spiritually. Look at what Saul had done to himself. [1 Samuel 15]. When God asked me to rest in Him, I know He is protecting me. Might be from others, might be from myself. O yes I know how much damage I could make if I was given the chance. And I thank Him for shielding me from the chaos I could create for myself.

When we rest in God, He will freely, abundantly give us rest [Matthew 11:28]. He is absolutely joyful in the idea of giving Himself to us. He delights in us, more and more as we come near to Him. As I learned to know the heart of my God, I pray that I may obey Him; this is my living sacrifice to Him. To trust in His timing and His hand; there’s no way He’ll miss His own timing! As our souls find rest in Him, we may see that He is faithful to us. As I am resting and pausing from things that are worrying me, I may see that God’s timing will be perfect in me.

Thank you, Father, for teaching me. I am humbled by Your love ❤

Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him. Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken [Psalm 62:5-6]

Find rest my soul, in Christ alone
Know His power, in quietness and trust [Still – Hillsong]

I’d rather have bad times with you,
than good times with someone else
I’d rather be beside you in a storm,
than safe and warm by myself
I’d rather have hard times together,
than to have it easy apart
I’d rather have the one who holds my heart.
I’d Ratherby Luther Vandross

Your spouse is the man/woman whose heart you have been entrusted with by God. Handle that with care – J & G Murphy.

Winter Camp. There’s always something powerful about it. I’m going to miss it this year, since hubby and I decided that we are going to focus on our works this time. My last one was three years ago, Living Water, and I can still feel the thrill, the excitement of preparing, attending, experiencing God’s superpower throughout the three-day retreat.

Though I’m not joining the Camp this year, but I am so privileged to experience, though just a snippet, the chill and the calmness of the location. This time, I’ve got the chance to watch my husband preparing the sound system for the Camp, one thing that he’s never missed doing for 11 years straight. This is the first Camp that he’s going to miss, but he doesn’t have the heart to let the team ‘walk in the dark’, working on their own without any seniors. That’s why we’re here today 🙂

Oh, we’re in Rutherford Park, Daylesford, by the way. This special place took me back to five years ago when Pastor Mark McClendon and Diane Manusama delivered strong messages about the image of God as our Father and us as His children. Entering the hall brought a smile to my lips and a twist in my heart. This was the place where God decided to ‘drag’ me into one of my lowest pit, one of the toughest moments in my life. He taught me to let go, and to completely trust Him.

There are things in life that we never know whether we are going to be ready to let them go when the time comes. Things that we think we can’t live without, will be meaningless without, things that are so infused in our lives that an idea of them taken away from us will cost us our lives. Winter Camp 2007, Undivided Heart, was the time when I struggled, played tug o’ war with God (as if I was that strong), battled between my plans and His will. He kindly, but firmly, asked me to let go of my then-longterm-boyfriend of 6 years, a request that not only scared me but questioned His love for me. He continued offering His ‘proposal’, something that He’d been working on for weeks prior to the Camp. And I continued to run away, try to outwit Him with promises that even then I knew was not going to work. He knew what’s best for me, and I should’ve listened to Him.

Well, clearly I have. Ultimately. But those three days have never left me; His unfailing love, His promise that He would give the best for me, and He Himself. To come back to this place, watching His ‘Promise’ wrinkling his forehead, working with his team on the plugs and speakers and wires. Man, I should’ve listened to Him MUCH sooner. How deeply thankful I am for what He has done, steering my life into His perfect plans. Isn’t it funny that the one God promised me was standing at the back of the room, probably staring at my back all along? So close, yet so far haha.

This is the moment when I look back, and declare that none of what happened was from me. It was all Him; His perfect plan, how He has shaped me, and how perfect everything is right now. I’ve had this quote by Joel Osteen posted last year when I was preparing my wedding, and I’d like to recall that.

God’s plan for your life is so much bigger than your own. You’ll look back and say, “That was God. I never could have done that on my own”.

Nice one, yea?

I’m currently in the middle of a search, something that is going to affect my family’s life. Looking back to what He has done, I am glad I stayed close to Him. I really don’t want to play tug o’ war with Him anymore; He is way too strong, and way too wise for me to play around with. To trust Him will probably involve doing things that aren’t making any sense at times, but I guess the best and safest way is always to listen and obey Him. He is our Father, after all, the One who knows what’s best for us, the One whose promises never fails.

These past five years have been awesome. I’ve seen so many of His promises have been fulfilled. I really believe that when the time comes for His promises to be fulfilled, nothing can stop Him.

It’s 7.05pm now, about 7 degrees Celcius, and it’s pitch black outside. My fingers are frozen, and I’m still waiting for the guys to finish testing the drum kit before we can go to Daylesford Town Centre for some hearty dinner! My tummy has been growling, though. This weather is testing my appetite.

Wishing for another life-changing Camp for all camp-goers! WinterCamp 2012, Victorious Life, be blessed!

Please, and thank you.
That’s how Momma taught me to.
For what happened and wishes that haven’t,
please, and thank you.

From the day we were born, we were designed to ask, to demand, to take, to require. To get something to satisfy our comfort, to patch up the sense of lacking in our days. Giving wasn’t actually natural; we had to be taught on how to share our toys or cookies with our bench mates when we were kids, to surrender something out of what we have, to be willingly be separated from something out of our lives. And since it was more natural to take, we will more likely to demand something back after we give.

I’ve been learning about this law of give and take. I’ve pondered on the verse, “it is more blessed to give than to receive” from Acts 20:35b. When things around demanded something out of me, I often asked silently, “what have you got for me?”. And that’s when disappointment arises.

We demand more, making excuses that we can’t really give anything out if we don’t have anything to give in the first place. We expect things from everyone; from our parents, our families, our spouses, our friends, our community, our churches, our governments. Not necessarily material things, more than often we expect mental supports and loyalty, and love. Since nobody is perfect, more than often we all miss the mark. Expectations thwarted, and we simply chuck our ‘giving mode’ out of the window.

Disappointment suffocates. It hinders us to see the goods and highlights the faults in everything. It holds us from joy, it closes our ears from edifications. When things don’t go as expected, it’s hard not to be deflated. So what to do now?

Expect less, give more.

Simple, yet tough. There’s a huge challenge in Jesus’ message on giving, because He knew we need to learn everyday. We might be expecting, demanding lots of other things in life, but maybe, all that we need we have received. Right here, right now.

Please, and thank you. This “please” might not be about asking at all; it could be, for some of us, about letting things to happen, and we can still say, ‘thank you’.

I have hope that there comes the day when we will experience first-handedly on the joy of giving without having a return. Our God knows we need saving everyday, and He can only do that when we soften our hearts, leave our pride at the door, and receive from Him. We need to remember that God doesn’t demand perfection from us, yet He gives perfectly. How could we expect perfection from others when we are not perfect ourselves?

When we learn to give, and maybe, eventually, we find that even our imperfection in giving brings joy to others,  then we can understand the joy of giving. Until then, let’s learn to say, “please, and thank you”.

Dear Daddy, please, teach me, and thank You for everything. I’m humbled by Your love.

image courtesy of Three-Sixty Press from Keep Calm Gallery.

Maybe I can be
the cereal,
she said,
Or no, maybe
the milk
or perhaps
the spoon?
I just want
you to start
your day
with me.
without hesitation
Then I am
the bowl
and I will
hold you
every single

-Tyler Knott Gregson-

I was in the middle of my writing when I realized my Blackberry notification light was flashing. It was an email, from my hubby.

Hmm? He was supposed to be in the bathroom next door, doing ‘business no. 2’. The email said, “Hi honey I love you. Regards, Andrew A”

‘What’s with this romantic gesture all of a sudden?’, my suspicion flared. Still, flattered and giggled like a school kid, I replied, “cheeky baby, I love you, too :)”.

Around 10 minutes afterwards, he skipped into the office, gave me a hug and asked, “have you received my email?”
“uhm, yes, I have replied”. “Oh?”. He checked his iPhone, and continued, “ah it worked. I tried using Siri to send an email to you before. It actually worked :D”

…… *cue my mouth going O; speechless*

Sensing something was not right, he quickly added, “but I do love you, mu :D”

Yea, yea.. I felt a little bit deflated, but had a good laugh, nonetheless. Good laughs over silly, trivial things, is good for you, I guess 🙂